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Tuesday, February 5th, 2008
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i want nothing more than to move into grandmas house and have herbie be an adult and get his own place. no steve here to put anyone down or shove his morals down our throats. we can have a clean house that isnt infested with roaches and other bugs.
it would make everyone so much happier and make things so much better.
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Sunday, February 3rd, 2008
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Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007
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this may be me being annoying and mildly grumpy at the moment...but why are all of the things that are accepted, and even encouraged and socially acceptable?
why is it expected for girls to have to adopt a specific image and to be, not perfect, but up to a cretain standard all the time? yeah i dont care if you want to walk around with a shirt that has a neckline so low you can see everything. but its when people feel that they need to do this, and need to have "what it takes" to wear things like that. i wouldn't say that its degrading, because that all depends on how you take it. why do skirts and shorts have to have less, or close to the same amount of cloth that underwear have? maybe we will never know.
another thing that annoys me is colleges. not just the faculty and how most colleges are only in it for the money, not to actually educate people, but the people who go there. i go to community college. whatever. if it means youre a failure to everyone else, so be it. i just want the paper that says i have an education, so people will think that i'm better qualified than someone else for a job. or maybe it will work the other way, whichever is fine with me.
cassandras dorm specifically brought this to my attention. its like the kids on her floor think that the hallway is a playground and everyone needs to hear everything they do. its a public space, so that means everyone is welcome, but it also means that you need to respect other people when youre using it. if they were in a "real" apartment you would have been kicked out or asked to leave.
enough for my grumpyness...
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Tuesday, September 4th, 2007
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yesterday was the first day in a while that it felt like everything is gonna be ok. i liked that.
but then today it had to be ruined...this weekend i found a letter addressed to me from a collection agency. it was for over $150 from stuff from the chiropractor. when i was going to him i never had to pay anything, they never asked for copay or anything and i had already met my deductable. i stopped going before the year was up so it wouldnt start to cost money, but after i stopped going i got a bill in the mail for a visit. nothing ever got done with the bills, it isnt my responsibility to pay that right? i dont have a job, im in school, and i still live with my mom...
but i showed my dad the letter from the collection agency and nell was MAD. my dad called me about it today and he sounds irritated. hes up early i know, he usualyl doesnt get up until 11 or so because he works nights, but he called me at 10 and had already been up.
i cant tell if hes mad at me, i dont know if its my fault, i dont think it is. i feel like i should have done something about it though. why would i think that my mom would take care of anything?
i hate the feeling that i get when i feel like my dad isnt happy with me. hes one of the only people who's opinion of me really matters, and i never do anything bad for him to deal with.
i want someone to tell me this isnt all my fault.
he sounded so dissapointed and wants me to check all of the other doctors ive been to, i dont want him to think its my fault. but maybe it is.
i want him to talk to me like he usually does, and not like something is horribly wrong.
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Thursday, August 30th, 2007
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i think im good now.
not completely mentally 100%
but for the most part im good.
i actually did work for my classes today and it kinda felt good when i finished...
it sucked doing it though
im about to kill dylan
im just so scared of what will happen now, and i dont want to act wierd and be the cause of anything happening, but its so hard to just sit there and watch everything
i think some of it is jealousy, and some of it is...i dont even know...but it isnt fun and i wish i didnt do it
im going to try my hardest to be supportive and positive
"this time i mean it"
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Sunday, August 26th, 2007
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i don't think that i have ever felt so miserable in my life.
everything thats going on
adjusting
dealing with herbie
not eating
school
benji
i thought i was gonna pass out in food lion today, and i almost fell on a wet spot on the floor
this hurts me so much, but i have to suck it up and deal with it because everything isnt about me.
"wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clovers"
"i mean this more than words can say"
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Saturday, August 25th, 2007
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getting better definately
only sometimes it doesnt quite feel like it will ever be better
but i know thats just overexaggerating
one weekend is keeping me going at this point
<3
chongs foot is swollen again and he wants in the living room with us but he stinks, so we put him in the kitchen.
mommy is in the chair "flipping" through the channels
flipping means changing it once and then falling asleep
its pretty annoying
i have to do a psychology lab thats due monday and i havent started, but what else do you expect from me?
ill get it done
and i need to work on accounting
eating has gotten better i think
i ate dinner last night but it made me ick
and then today i ate like almost 3 crab rangoons and half of a salad from chic fil a and like 2 bites of cole slaw
then the grease from the crab rangoons made me feel sick again
its getting bad, ive lost 8 pounds
:-/
i jsut kind of like typing on my computer
hitting the keys is fun
ive gotta go discuss farting with my mother and brother...
wow
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Thursday, August 23rd, 2007
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not so much
my emotional state has been going in a big circle.
kind of like this-
cassandra left- extremely upset, sad, lonely, boo hoo
cassandra is happy- yay!
dont be upset, cassandra is happy, stupid- mad at self, upset
getting my faves- i can actually use the phone yay!
accounting- dont want to
feed khat- see first thought
and more that ill keep to myself
and i think im going crazy because i just vaccuumed for no reason and talked to chong like he understood me the whole time
bottom line is i'm very touchy. so dont talk to me about certain things, unless your name is cassandra, and we'll be fine
mike saffert is throwing a party labor day weekend and i will find a way there
too bad its not the weekend of sept 22nd cause id be a lot closer
i need something new and exciting to distract myself so i can be a normal person
please give me $1200 and i think that would help...
hm...
warchief has a myspace and hes got quite the personality, let me tell you.
im getting myfaves with 300 anytime minutes and ive got 4..
Daddy
Cassandra
Grandma brenda
Mommy work
???
probably either grandma stover or cassie or hanan?
i dont know
i cant tell who is there for me anymore
cant everything be fine again?
ill learn to deal with everything but it sucks...
and the process of me dealing with it is annoying to everyone else
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Friday, August 17th, 2007
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heychris tomorrow
its really cool that we get to see him...it would take a while to explain
ill probably come across as some wierdo with no personality, but thats kinda accurate
haha
i wish that every day could be this sunday...it would be nice
monday night im going to sleep so well
i want a mac
give me moneys
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Thursday, August 16th, 2007
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im bored and the internet is boring.
haha.
tomorrow babysitting round 4, then nothing.
grr
saturday nothing during the day, then heychris downtown at 6 and who knows what after
sunday busch gardens
i need rollercoasters
monday classes
9-9:50 Accounting (for the second time)
10-11:15 Psychology
1-2:15 Web Page Design
7-9:45 Spreadsheet Software
i have all my classes in one day...on the first day
hooray
semester 3 of college here i come
unwillingly
but still..
im gonna leave this and go see what the heck my mom is doing int he kitchen
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Friday, November 10th, 2006
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the title and it's sarcasm contradict itself but that's ok.
i was going through the classes i have to take for my degree and had one of those "oh man i can't do this" thoughts.
christmas- is coming soon, but not before...my BIRTHDAY. 18. yeah it's wierd. i think that everyone should just give me money so i can buy a sidekick and be the next pete wentz. only i wouldn't do that. i'd make sure no one hacked into mine. (catch the sarcasm before it hits you) i really want one though. i think i'll go apply at the store by food lion and the movie store when i'm 18 cause i would only work during the day and who rents movies or goes in drug stores in the middle of the day. ok maybe creepy people and old people, but its better than a whole bunch of people. the mall is a possibility too.
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maybe it wouldn't have if i wasnt SICK FOR A WEEK. it was horrible. i'd feel better, and then randomly not want to move.
so my mom just said "u funny white girl" to me in an im. that was interesting to say the least. why she said it is possibly more amusing though. retard stepdad religion man has been spending all his time at church and had this big thing all weekend where they went to really bad neighborhoods and whatnot. apparently he met some new people because he went to the church service this morning after saying he wanted to go to the later one because hes getting tired of the guy who does it in the mornings. my mom said people from out of town were going to go and then go back home and i asked if they were all in gangs from new york. maybe you have to know more to get it...i dont know.
this religion stuff is getting out of hand. my grandma just called saying that next sunday her and donald are picking me and dylan up and taking us to church with them. i said i would be with my dad probably and grandma was ok with that but donald said something like "tell her i'd really like her to go" screw you i see my dad on weekends, you and your church arent going to interfere with that.
after warped tour i have a plan. years ago my mom bought me this book about wicca and whatnot, it's a pretty good book, i read it in 6th grade maybe, but i plan on leaving it on the kitchen counter before i go to bed so mr. christian will see it in the morning when hes getting ready for work. is that too messed up? nah.
school.
starting august 21st [which is also gus' 1st birthday :-D] this is what my life will be like
monday- 9:30AM-11:00AM college success skills [until oct. 16]
11:00AM-12:15PM intro to information systems
tuesday- 7:00PM-9:45PM ethics in business/professions
wednesday- 11:00AM-12:15PM intro to information systems
thursday- 6:30PM-9:15PM technical writing [every other thursday and online]
friday- nothing
and i have women's health online. plus watching dylan when hes not at school and getting him on the bus at 8:30 every day.
transportation.
i was half expecting to have to drive the van or find a ride to class, but my dad surprised me and decided he was going to finance a car and make the payments. he doesnt want me to have a job where i work a lot so i dont have to pay insurance either. he got it yesterday and i drove it to grandma stovers house and around chester some and we came home. hes keeping it this week, i guess just getting himself used to it so he knows what im driving and whatnot. it's a 2002 ford taurus. its this silvery green color. its not bad although i'd still like grandmas car better. it drives better than hers does though. its pretty much the same car that i had in behind the wheel but newer. since the insurance is on my dads it goes by how many miles the car is driven so i can't really use it much besides school and possibly work and a little bit of just going places. not a lot though. if im going somewhere with you and you have a car we should probably take yours unless you have no gas or something else is stopping it.
wednesday.
warped tour. :-D ive never been before so i'm a little nervous because i dont want to be in the middle or anything. hopefully i wont. dont get me wrong, i would love to be right front center for lots of different bands, but if it comes down to having to get smushed and find myself in the middle of stuff i'd rather be a little farther away.
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lets see...today...last night i went to bed at like 4 so i didnt wake up until about 12 this morning. i woke up and pretty much did nothing for a while and then the kids across the street were annoying and i had to deal with them. after that we went and ate at mexico resturant and that sucked because steve was being an idiot and no one was getting along. then i came home and actually worked on my room. the floor is pretty clean now, my bed is just covered in random stuff. some of which including: a mary higgins clark book [i want more], my phone, 3 AP's, a quidditch pillow, my cds, dvds, various photo albums, a hidden in plain view picture, game boy color, recorder from 4th grade, and several pairs of pants that i never put away last time i did laundry. i need to do that tomorrow. because tuesday i babysit that baby, and wednesday, and thursday. that should be interesting since i dont really know all of what i'm supposed to do with it. my guitars arent in my room right now. theyre all in the living room because there wasnt anywhere in here to put them. i think im gonna work on getting the shelves out of the corners of my room so that will make more space. i kind of need to draw it out on graph paper. hmmm...i'll do that tomorrow too.
thats pretty much it. just so i remember. i think im gonna go to sleep soon cause im actually tired for once before 3AM.
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Saturday, July 15th, 2006
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beep you trendy little scene kids.
beep you people who think that you have to be cool or wear this and that to have friends.
beep you whoever thought "hmm lets be an idiot and judge people by how they look when i first see them"
beep you to everyone who has made anyone think that they had to do soemthing to fit in.
beep you people who make other people think they have to act a certain way.
JUST LET PEOPLE BE WHO THEY FUCKING WANT TO BE.
i don't care if i know you or not, don't let anyone else tell you who you are.
i've let too many people do this to me in the past and it comes back and bites you.
i'm grounding myself from tv. if anyone was wondering where the heck that outburst came from, i was flipping through channels and you can see it everywhere. all everything is doing is brainwashing people to be clones of everyone else. this is why i love my friends. each and every one of them is their own unique person and does what THEY want.
learn from it and be yourself.
cassie, cassandra, hanan, whitney- thank you.
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Wednesday, July 12th, 2006
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today was the definition of boredom. i woke up and was on the computer for a little bit and then i took a shower and then the boredom started. from about 1:00 until about 4:30 i was bored out of my mind. i was waiting for steve to get home and take me to the credit union and that never happened because they close at 5. then i got a call from tammy and she wants me to watch her baby next week for 3 days. that would be aweosme. yay money. so the shirt games of summer have begun. i know of three shirts that i want.
Jack's Mannequin
Houston Calls
HIPV
as soon as i can get a debit card i shall have them. all mine.
today when i was bored i started finding stuff online again, i didnt mean to.
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| Time: | 1:20 am. |
| Mood: |  tired. |
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today-
woke up, did nothing, folded clothes, thought way too much about shirts and what size to get, taught bike riding lessons, dylan crashed into a fenc, went to shoneys, talked to my dad, talked to the lovato, now this.
eventful
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| Time: | 6:50 pm. |
| Mood: |  lonely. |
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today. lets see. that damn snakes on a plane song is going to kill me. not that it's a bad song or anything, its just that its catchy as i dont know what. it's wierd too. about wierd. i dont spell it right and i know that, i just dont like spelling it the right way.
i got 2 shirts today. a red alvin one and a brown scooby one. my mom killed the excitement about the scooby one. as soon as i showed it to her she was like "i saw that and was gonna get it for steve" only it's a girls shirt. shes retarded.
even though i can legally drive by myself i don't know how much i actually want to. it's still kind of scary. i've been trying to get grandma to leave her car here when shes in texas. then maybe i can do something with someone one day instead of sitting here doing nothing. or maybe me and dylan could go to the park or somewhere. as long as it's not too hot. i dont know, i wouldnt go far at all. i think cassies house is about as far as i would go. i dont dispise driving as much as i used to, but i'm still kind of weary of it, and if no one was in the car i think it would make me freak out even more.
friday wasn't fun. i went to the doctor because of mainly my knees, but my whole body has also just been achy for the last few weeks. he did all kinds of wierd things with my knees and they took blood to do testing for rheumatoid arthritis. they're supposed to call sometime this week and tell us what they got back. i still have a bruise on my arm though.
the lovato lady is leaving tomorrow and i, nor her, will have much to do. so if you live near her dads house you should entertain her, espicially if you're a cute scene boy. not that anyone, much less cute scene boys read this, but hey, it was worth a shot. maybe? and if you read this and you know me you should call me and tell me that we need to do something. only it cant be during the week because i have to babysit.
i dont want a job but i have to get one. once i get one and things get rolling me and my mom are gonna go in on a cell phone plan together and i'm gonna attempt to get a sidekick. that would be awesome.
-FIN-
All I ever needed was to eat popcorn with you,
Come on over,
Watch the late show,
Stay up talking until two
Today's the day you're leaving,
And tomorrow you'll be gone
You're in my heart and on my mind,
I will bring you along
[it'llallbebetterinafewdays]
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lets attempt to use this again. maybe it'll be easier with a laptop? maybe it'll allow me to remember what i do when i do it. probably not becuase i doubt that i'll remember to write in here. does that make sense? probably not.
oh well, we'll give it a shot.
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Saturday, January 21st, 2006
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so today is definately the worst day i've had in a LONG time...i think everything possible is going wrong...last night i killed motion city soundtrack [as my aim restarts itself and i accidentally almost instant message justin pierre's lady friend]...i keep seeing flashes out of my right eye which is cirrently swollen shut...explain that? oh wait i can...the retina is coming off again. i've been stuck in this fucking house for almost a week and everything i try to do my mom won't let me because i "just had surgery" forget surgery...apparently it doesn't work...i'm not going back so ill just have stupid silicon oil in my eye forever...i've already got a wierd buckle thing stuck to the back of it permanently. everything i say i get yelled at for arguing...i get yelled at for not putting away macaroni that i didn't make and i didn't even eat any of it and i told my mom that i didn't want any of it. i don't know how i'm gonna go to the clinic every single hour at school next week...i have to spend tomorrow with my dad...thats the funnest thing to do in the world...my ipod is broken and i only have $100...my mom is stupid and won't give me any of the money my grandma sent for me to help with it...and i'm bored...i hate being bored because i start thinking about bad things and out of boredom i want to do them...no reason at all except for the fact that i get bored.
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Sunday, October 30th, 2005
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Some types of retinal detachments, because of their location or size, are best treated with a procedure called a scleral buckle. With this technique, a tiny sponge or band made of silicone is attached to the outside of the eye, pressing inward and holding the retina in position. After removing the vitreous gel from the eye with a procedure called a vitrectomy, the surgeon usually seals a few areas of the retina into position with laser or cryotherapy. The scleral buckle is not visible and remains permanently attached to the eye. This technique of reattaching the retina may elongate the eye, causing nearsightedness.
In rare cases where other types of retinal detachment surgeries are either inappropriate or unsuccessful, silicone oil may be used to reattach the retina. The vitreous gel is removed and replaced with silicone oil, which presses the retina into place. While the oil is inside the eye, the vision is extremely poor. After the retina has resealed itself against the back of the eye, a second procedure may be performed to remove the oil.
how much fun does that sound?
november 15th here i come
http://www.stlukeseye.com/Surgical/Vitrectomy.asp
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trustmexk's journal
crushed.
nervous.
calm.
depressed.
busy.
sleepy.
aggravated.
crazy.